Salvador Allende, the first democratic-socialist president elected was also my grandfather. On September 11, 1973 a right wing military coup seized my grandfather' life and government, forced us into exile and placed a repressive dictatorship in Chile for 17 years. Thirty-five years later, I return to Chile searching for Chicho- his family nickname - wishing to leave behind his iconic image and bring back images and memories of him and our family. But for my family there are also many unresolved feelings associated with him. Through my journey I feel their reluctance and discomfort but also I begin to understand the complexity of their emotions for over 40 years. The paradox between public and private deepens my search and mirrors Chilean society.