Fairly young and extremely ordinary, John is an out-of-luck mall Santa, who suffers every day trauma at the hands of overeager holiday shoppers. Fed up, he quits his job and while pondering the meaning of life almost naked in the snow, he gets kidnapped by his future best friend, the narcissistic megalomaniac robot named Z'ark. Of course, being future friends don't mean much, so John ends up in prison with the two worst villains in the galaxy. One thing leads to another and John finds himself with the most powerful weapon of the universe stuck in his head. Everything he thinks of now becomes reality. This leads to him having the adventure of his life filled with romance, intergalactic ZOOs full of unfriendly aliens, sewer monsters, space whales, black holes, wicked hackers and possibly destruction of all existence.